Linguistic Psychology: 8 Reasons Why We Don't Know What To Say When It Counts
Posted: Sunday, May 16, 2010
by Krzysztof Kazmierczak
Global Information Network
Have you ever wondered why some people have a firm grasp on communication and some don't. Still yet, have you ever noticed that just because someone knows how to open their mouth does not mean they know how to communicate. There are some basic commonalities between people who know how to communicate and the ones that don't. This article is here to outline eight conversation killers. This is article will not describe how to overcome these barriers; that is a topic for another article, but knowing where the obstacles are in your path is key in being able to overcome them.
The second killer is Delayed Response. This occurs when the solution comes to you after the moment has gone, perhaps 30 minutes after you have made your presentation, or after the date is over, and you are on your way home. Delayed response is common to us all especially if we are bogged down by fear, which is almost invariably the cause of all of the Killers.
The third killer is Self Doubt. You are unsure of yourself and that keeps you fumbling over your words. You are never truly able to express yourself because inside you there is an inner core of Self Doubt. Your not sure if your going to be accepted, or loved, you are not sure you measure up to the task and that shows.
Fourth is Self Focus and is the opposite of Self Doubt. You are so focused on yourself you never let the other person in. You keep the conversation focused strictly on where you think it should go. Your focus is on what your going to say next and you never pay attention to the other person because you don't value the other person or their opinion.
Fifth comes Diplomatic Fog where no one really knows what your getting at. You ramble on and on, dodging the topic of focus, until you confuse yourself and the person your talking to. Just think of a politician being asked a question that has far reaching consequences, they ramble on and on without ever giving you a straight answer; hence the name. Being Vanilla is the same concept You are being so nice and roundabout that you loose your listener.
Six is Conversational Combat. You or the person you are talking to is only there to win arguments. If you want to win arguments you don't want to make friends. Being naturally contradictory will kill a conversation as quickly as it began and there is nothing more off putting than someone who has to have the last word all the time. Real leaders lead by making friends they are not domineering. If your naturally argumentative you may need to let that go if you find yourself being avoided by the people you know.
The seventh communication killer is Being Too Hot. You are too intense. You are so full of energy that you overload your audience. The person listening can't relate to you. You may be too outgoing, and so interested, and so positive that the other person can't get a word in. You don't listen. Communication goes two ways, even if your being super positive does not mean your communicating.
The last conversation killer is Desperation. Have you ever bought anything from a desperate salesman. Desperation stinks and even if you are desperate you should never project it. Being needy is unattractive and people do not want to work or be with people who are desperate.
In communication you should be as simple and direct as possible and always try to avoid the Conversation Killers. Don't try to be fancy, just get your point across. You will find that just knowing about these obstacles will improve your communication skills. These obstacles that we all encounter in communication can be overcome, but the first step in overcoming them is knowing what your weakness' are, once the road blocks are identified one can proceed in a course of action to eliminate them.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)This article is spot on, Krzysztof! I have to laugh, there are times when I catch myself doing them all - how hopelessly embarrassing!!
Hi Krzysztof,Thanks for the article. At least now that I am aware of the possible conversation killers, I can make an effort to watch out for and correct them.Regards,Irving
Very interesting Krzysztof! All of these reasons make sense and I have always asked myself that question. Thanks for sharing your expertise. I look forward to the next article that helps me overcome these obstacles.
Interesting piece - I think most of my problems would be helped a lot if I did the old "think before you speak" routine. Thanks for writing this one!
I agree that fear is the killer in this instance, as it is in every part of life- fear is mankind's greatest enemy, and produces many killers. Thanks for an interesting article- Ella
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